Covid, Cancer and Cracking on.

Hello out there, been a tough gig since my last post and not just for me.

So, just to re introduce myself, Im a 40 something woman with a little boy. I raise him alone and he is kind considerate little human, so I'm doing something right.

 However, I haven't been totally authentic and its bothering me. Gotta come out of the shadows and stop pretending.

So alongside Covid and lockdowns, I had another big C to deal with. Cancer. Kinda put the other two into the backgound really 

I was very fortunate and even that isn't a strong enough word,  it was found and removed at stage 1A.

 It was Ovarian cancer, so I am one of the very lucky ones.

 It was found while having a scan for a kidney infection that I had been hospitalised for. I already have a kidney disease which is heredity so it wasn't my first time in hotel NHS. 

This was the first time I had been admitted to hospital in over a decade though. An angel watching over me?

 I know you may say I wasn't lucky at all but that is how I feel to of escaped pretty much unharmed physically but it definitely put a vast amount of mental pressure on. I feel a little bit of a fraud as I didn't suffer the hair loss and the awful chemo. If I had, it would of put me straight onto dialysis as my kidneys wouldn't of been able to cope. So I am so grateful I didn't need to suffer that!

 I came out of hospital and 5 days later we were on lockdown, you know the fun one where everyone chilled and sunbathed as the sun really did come out to play. I was apprehensive what the outcome of the scan maybe but tried to put it out of my mind as we were in a pandemic.

The second lockdown I had been confirmed that I had a very suspect tumor and more that likely cancer. 

By the time the final 3rd lockdown had come around I was recovering from a radical hysterectomy. Its got a funny name, oraphlooo scarmoosh scaramouch, can you do the fandango?

 God knows, but they took everything including my appendix!

 I don't advise major surgery to anyone. Jesus Christ on a bike... and people actually go have surgery willingly.. WtAF???

I had some wonderful women around me and these turned out to be not the people I expected. I really couldn't of got through the ordeal of recovery without them. I am eternally grateful.

But get through it I did and it changes you, a lot. I still, 2 years cancer free -  wonder at the joy of life and in a millisecond all that can be taken away and how lucky I was not to be given god awful news later on down the line.

 It was a spiritual awakening and in the aftermath I have become much more spiritual and accepting of things we cannot see but feel they are there in my heart and mind. Im studying more of the ethereal sides of nature.

It took me nearly 3 months to really recover from the surgery and nearly that again to come to terms with losing my bits. I wasn't planning on having anymore children but I hadn't ruled it out so having the option removed, its hard. I was grieving children I should of had and those sadly I didn't get to hold. It was a tough time and probably the only thing getting me through was the love for my son. He made all things better and Im forever grateful for my perfect little boy.

I was put straight into surgical menopause  - and for a moment that wasn't great. Six weeks in and I began to sink like the titanic. I can't have hormone treatment as I'm high risk for more cancers but just take an antidepressant and I'm good.

 I heard horror stories of women literally going mad with the hormones.. but I had a completely different experience. I had always been very emotional and reactive. This didn't cause a stress free environment and was upsetting for all those around. Myself being effected but because I was the offender - got no comfort.

After the surgery my mood became like the Caribbean sea... calm and clear. 

For the first time Im able to know who I am when I wake up and know that I'm cool, collected and able to control myself. 

That is freeing and I feel that I gained much more than what that awful Cancer took.

I just wanted to share this as its been tough but I am living proof that survival is possible, even thriving with earth shattering news. Im trying to keep the (health) wolves from the door and they made progress recently but Im forever optimistic and as they say, 

You can't keep a good girl down!!!

Take Care of Each Other

Luna.x